#i still have no idea how to process death in a healthy way either‚ and generally can't cry unless alone.

[squid--inc]

.......

[galaxy-fleur]

how would leon react to the death of his s/o?

if it's someone that used to be his partner, life long friend and the like, asking with that in mind as i am looking for some angst :'D

Ah, I see you wanna make me sad, anon... Well you've come to the right place, because I am nothing but a sucker for angst.

Honestly... Yeah, ouch, it's a painful thing to think about. Leon is no stranger to loss, and that's putting it lightly. While most people don't even think about losing someone they care about until it suddenly becomes a harsh reality, for Leon? It's more a question of 'when', rather than 'if'. It could happen tomorrow for all he knows, or it could happen 40 years in the future. Either, it will happen. It's grim, but when you have to confront your own mortality and the mortality of others around you as frequently as he does, it's kind of inevitable. Leon does not get the luxury of going through his everyday life blissfully oblivious about death or its inevitability.

In a way, it's a double-edged sword.

On the other hand, it also makes it hard to live in the present, when all the horrible 'what if's creep into his mind, one after another. His acceptance of this never-ending trail of death does not imply that he is content with it. He's not. Every loss is not any easier than the last one, no matter how many he inevitably loses. In a way, it's a testament to his heart. The way he will inevitably come to care for other people and feel for them, regardless of his own circumstances. It's something to admire about him. However, it also hurts him.

On the one hand, it makes him acutely aware of just how precious every moment he gets to spend with those close to him are. He doesn't take you for granted, in part because he understands all too well just how precious and fleeting these moments of peace and happiness are. He'll make every moment count, and he'll be open and vulnerable in his feelings. Because he is all too aware of the regret that comes from keeping things to himself until it is too little too late. Every goodbye will be accompanied by a sincere 'I love you' and a kiss that feels like the last with how much emotion he pours into it. Because, for him, it just might be the final one.

We know that Leon lives by the idea that 'it is your responsibility to those that died to keep going'. Dealing with the pain of loss in this way is not very healthy. But it's what he does. And that's also what's going to occur in this case. Lord knows he'll be a complete wreck for a long while. It simply makes me too sad to think about him having to carry something so heavy alone, so I can only hope he will have someone there for him during this process. He'll drink himself into oblivion, try and avoid all physical reminders of you, only to then cling onto every single little trace of you he has left, only for that cycle to switch again after a few weeks have passed.

So, how would he react to the loss of a significant other? Well, he'd be devastated. It's a dull ache he knows all too well, but it's so much worse when it's someone this important to him. He'd blame himself. He always does. Even if your death had nothing to do with his occupation, or it was a mere freak accident neither of you could have prevented, or even something that was long expected for one reason or another. He'll still blame himself first. Be it for failing to protect you, not being there to at least try and save, or just not spending enough time with you. Something small and mundane like him being too tired to watch that movie you wanted a week ago, or him being annoyed by you leaving that plate in the sink without washing it now feel like horrible mistakes he now regrets to his very core.

He just finds it easier to place the entire blame on himself, in a sense. Even though it simply has a detrimental effect on his mental health, he might feel somewhat in control by doing so. And that's better than feeling so utterly helpless.

Grieving is a process, and he'll have to go through every stage of it. I do feel like he is, unfortunately, likely to never move past the depression stage of grief. Unless he has someone there to pull him out of it, he is very much likely to just... never fully recover.

Regardless, I don't think he'd do anything to himself. He wants to. It's a want he knows well. But he doesn't let himself take the easy way out. He's not worthy of it. He owes it to you to keep going. So, he does. He picks himself up and keeps moving forward despite his brokenness and lack of direction. On missions, he will be notably more careless, which I believe could cause some issues. He may even be sent on a kind of 'forced vacation' because he is constantly putting himself in danger without thinking about his own safety and occasionally acting borderline suicidally. Losing someone as valuable as Leon S. Kennedy would be just too much of a loss.

Additionally, even after he recovers, I believe he will keep some of your belongings. Possibly a photo he holds especially dear, or a piece of clothing that you used to wear. It makes him feel a little bit closer to you even though it doesn't smell like you after all this time. I also think he'll make it a tradition to visit your gravestone every anniversary. He won't be able to do it for a year or two, but when he does, it will be a really therapeutic experience. He'll clean up the gravestone, leave out your favorite flowers and then have a quiet picnic of sorts, while telling you all about how he's been. I don't think Leon believes in afterlife, but... in these moments, it's a nice, wishful thought he can't help but indulge it. He wonders if you're there with him, laughing along to one of his jokes, or scolding him for not taking better care of himself.

I would like to think that his 'I don't deserve to kill myself because I owe it to them to keep going' mentality would eventually change into 'they wouldn't want me to die, they would want me to live and be happy'. With the support of those around him, hopefully. Even though the loss will always be painful, I hope that one day he will be able to look at a picture of the two of you and smile, even if it is with tears in his eyes. Instead of feeling guilty about not doing enough, I hope that one day he will be well enough to talk about your relationship with thankfulness for what he did get to do.

In any case, he will always hold a special place in his heart for you. Up until his own time comes. Be it in the heat of battle, or in peaceful sleep on his bed.

[selenestarmoon]

Honestly, the people who say Ryan is irredeemable are the same people who said the League of Villains from My Hero Academia were evil because of circumstances beyond their control and because they didn't react in an "acceptable" way to their traumas.

All the members of The League ended up being villains because of the injustices and dehumanization by everyone, because they were born with quirks they didn't ask for and also because of the unhealthy expectations that were imposed on them within their respective families and that they didn't receive any help: literally all of them hate themselves and see themselves as monsters that hurt people because everyone else is constantly telling them that they are monsters to the point that they genuinely came to believe that the only option they had was to die because they believed that otherwise they would be in prison all their lives and would have no future. And that is exactly what is happening with Ryan.

You have to remember that Ryan is a 12-YEAR-OLD BOY whose biological father spends very little time with him and the few times they spend time together that father ends up ruining those moments, he accidentally killed his mother because he couldn't control his powers and his other father figure loves him but at the same time he's testing if Ryan is trustworthy. Also, Ryan has horrible things revealed about his biological father and on top of that he is asked to kill that biological father who is the only living relative left to him and who has powers like him and on top of that he was threatened with sedation and locking him up, it was obvious that Ryan was not going to react well, that's too much for a kid to process.

Everyone sees Ryan as an object, and even Butcher and Homelander who genuinely love Ryan also dehumanize him; Butcher sees him as a weapon that can defeat Homelander, Homelander treats Ryan as his possession and can't stand anyone else having his son's attention.

And what about the little smile that Ryan lets out after seeing how the crowd cheered Homelander after seeing him kill someone? Like I said, Ryan is a kid and kids are blank slates and if the kid witnesses violence being perceived as something positive obviously the child will think that it is good to be violent. It's like when in Berserk, Farnese participated in a burning of heretics and burned people when she was a kid and instead of being told that what she did was wrong, people cheered her on which made Farnese internalize that burning people was something good.

And despite that, Ryan is still HORRIFIED by the idea of killing people. When he accidentally killed both Becca and Koy, Ryan felt horrible about it, he clearly doesn't want to kill Homelander or anyone else and the reason he doesn't react to Grace's death is because he was in a situation of high stress so he couldn't process what he did to Grace. Everyone is horrified by Ryan's accidental deaths but no one teaches him how to use and control his powers nor does anyone help him deal with guilt in a healthy way and the only person who does all this is Homelander but he does it in the worst way possible.

If everyone keeps treating Ryan in a dehumanizing way he will end up in two ways: either he becomes like Homelander or he decides to commit suicide to redeem himself because he believes he is a monster who hurts others and has no future.

All Ryan wants is to have a family and live like a normal boy his age and, honestly, I feel pity for him.

[kuroshitsuji-scenarios]

welcome back, im glad to see you again!! <3

i wanted to send in the idea of undertaker x bizarre doll reader! i do writings of my own take on this with an oc of mine, and wondered what your take would be like!

hope youre doing well~

Your idea is very interesting, I don't think I've written anything like that before. 🤔 Thank you!

Undertaker:

First and foremost, we need to consider whether Undertaker would fall for one of his Bizarre Dolls or would make his beloved one one of them. Regarding the latter, I believe it's very possible that he would reach for such methods if his lover would pass away—especially if it was due to some sudden accident or illness and not old age. While he would be able to prepare for you eventually dying if it was because of the sheer nature and your mortality, the possibility of abruptly having you taken away seems like it could cause quite a shock for him and make him do everything in his will to bring you back.

Either way, I don't think Undertaker is capable of handling the death of his closest ones in a healthy manner. Not anymore.

In some eerie, disturbing way, he certainly would be very attentive and caring for his lover's body during the whole process of changing. He would caress your hair, hold your hand and constantly reassure you that it's alright, that he won't let anything bad happen to you anymore and that soon you'll be able to talk again. As twisted as it sounds, he would still remain rather respectful—asking for permission before bathing you with a sponge and gently putting on new clothes, careful to not touch you in any way which could be considered inappropriate. He would be here to help you, after all, not to profane your body.

The amount of waiting would be the worst and somehow it would surprise him that his patience is growing thin in this case. He has always considered himself as a rather patient person, valuing time and effort instead of spontaneous decisions but when it comes to you, he would find it difficult to focus on anything else. Undertaker would keep an eye on you, constantly making sure that you're safe, your head rests against the soft pillow and your favourite scent fills the air. He would want to make you feel like home, as if it was nothing but a long nap.

Once he would have you back, however, he might be rather... disappointed. It was completely different when it came to strangers or people he didn't care about in the slightest but you—oh, he could clearly see how you changed. Not in a physical way, not necessarily, but your behaviour, your humour, your whole personality... He could pretend to not notice it but deep inside he would always know that you went to the place far away and no matter what he did he couldn't completely bring you back as a whole.

He would be devastated. Holding you close, smelling your hair and running his thumb up and down your shoulder, he would consider letting you go. Still, the mere thought would cause him even greater pain than the possibility of never meeting you in the first place. Undertaker would remain loving and caring, trying to humour you with his jokes and constantly keeping an eye on you just in case someone tried to take you away from him again. Unfortunately though, the guilt and loneliness would keep consuming him from the inside.

Things would be rather different when it comes to him falling for someone who was already one of the Bizzare Dolls. At first, he might not get any interest in you, your personality, your past or anything related to you, too focused on his own goals to pay attention to the nameless pawns... But as the time passed, Undertaker could notice that you were somehow peculiar. You weren't a mindless creature as his first Bizarre Dolls, on the contrary, you were amusing and fascinating. His interest, however, would be based purely on the fact that he didn't know you before. Perhaps he would grow fond of you even more while you were still alive but this kind of situation was out of subject so he wouldn't dwell on that. What mattered is that, how he actually enjoyed your company.

It was hard to tell whether death sharpened or dulled your personality but Undertaker knew one thing—this version, the current version, was something he liked. As ironic as it sounds, you made him feel almost alive, relieved after a day of hard work and content in your arms. You would be one of the few to prove to him that his experiment was, indeed, a success.

[onp4012]

Pick a Card: Is it time to let go of this connection or is there still hope?

Pick one of the pictures to get an advice regarding an ex-partner. It may or may not resonate. Really hope you like it!

feel free to suggest PAC ideas in the inbox!

Please like and reblog ^^

masterlist

Pile 1

Sun, Hanged Man, 4W, 5S, Death, 6W, Magician

The dynamic-> I feel like the energy between the two of you is very childish and you enjoy each other’s presence. For some of you, this might be a high school relationship. Either way, it seems that both partners are very inexperienced. Perhaps you have come together because you were clicking and getting along, probably had a lot of fun together, but you have realized just now that you are actually a bit more different than you have expected and you are disappointed. I don’t see serious fights and stuff, but rather inconveniences which can be overcame through communication and rational thinking. It doesn’t seem as serious as you might believe it is. Okay, I feel like this might be an ex or an ex friend you’re asking about and I’ll tell you straight: in my opinion, you should focus on yourself and not go back or try to fix things. The 5 of swords fell out of the deck, so it could mean that there might’ve been someone who cheated or betrayed.

Conclusion->there is no hope of getting back with them. You are better off alone and you need time for yourself. You do not need a partner right now so you can carry on and focus on yourself.

Pile 2

KNOS, Hermit, KOS, 5P, Sun, KNOP, 4S

The dynamic-> I can already feel the coldness of you or your person. Alright, perhaps this connection kinda ended because someone decided that they are better off single and the other person was like “are you for real leaving me because of this? Am I a joke to you?” And then a whole ass argument broke out in which the masculine retreated in himself and started ghosting and the feminine got pissed off and just left. It’s like this outbreak gave you clarity. You have sought guidance from the divine and you’ve been waiting for this reading probably. You are stronger now. There could be another situation in which money are involved. Perhaps this connection has dried you off money or while you were together you had financial issues, but once you have found yourself you have started to grow financially. It seems to me that you’ve had a good ol’ change and you have grown a lot as a person.

Conclusion->this connection was meant to be a lesson you had to learn. Leave it stay in the past as a memory and guide others you see disoriented. Never accept emotional coldness from your partner and learn more and grow more.

Pile 3

KNOW, 10S, Hermit, 5C, 2P, KNOP, 10W

The dynamic-> it seems to me that you have probably broke up because at some point things have become boring or one of the partners stopped being so fiery and passionate about their partner. It could be that one of the partners had wandering eyes and the other person felt betrayed. Could also be the fact that one of them lost feelings and said it straight that they do not love them anymore. I see both people suffering somehow. It’s like the person who has said those stuff thinks about the past and is still processing all of the things that happened. The other person is purely suffering and they are very sad and confused. I feel like you might be the second person and you are feeling lost and confused. I don’t see a future with this connection because of two reasons: first person lost feelings and doesn’t want to put in effort; second person has a tendency to be codependent which shouldn’t happen in a healthy relationship.

Conclusion-> do not try to revive this connection because things will only get worse and you need to learn how to establish boundaries and learn from your past mistakes. Never become codependent on your partner because you never know when they may leave

Pile 4

KNOW, 2P, 3S, Empress, 6P, KNOC, World

The dynamic-> this pile definitely gives me the idea that one of the partners cheated. I see this ex as someone who didn’t admit their feelings right and had no respect for their partner and then tried to blame their partner for their cheating. Very toxic energy around here. This person is definitely a player and you won’t want to face this piece of shit every again, I tell you that. There is someone kinder and even more beautiful coming to you. You must realize your whole potential and you will be gifted with a wonderful, caring and loving partner, the opposite of your ex. You need to step up in your power and not lose your kindness yourself. Do not go cold with the people around you, especially the ones who really love you. Control your emotions and be responsible with them. Never ever think about this person who has done you wrong because I can assure you that they will probably do you wrong in the future as well if you allow them to stay. This pile is similar to the previous pile.

Conclusion-> definitely not going back to this person because they have no respect for you and they are playing victim for nothing. You deserve so much better. Just wait and you’ll see.

Pile 5

7S, Death, 7P, 5P, 4P, 2S, QOC

The dynamic-> Lying, again. I feel like this connection ended because one of the partners wasn’t honest at all and they were very insecure and controlling and they were only acting confident. I feel a lot of insecurities coming from this pile tbh, it’s not even lack of self respect, it’s literally fear of losing someone you love so you manipulate them into thinking that you’re the only one who can love them. A very possessive and shitty energy. The masculine, or the more dominant part tried to keep the feminine attached to themselves and would get very jealous and could even get a bit aggressive whenever people would seem to look in the feminine’s direction. This could also be an abusive relationship for some of you (I am sorry you had to go through this). Remember, people don’t change, so don’t have your expectations up.

Conclusion-> please do not get back with this person because it is not a healthy connection. You should forgive this person for being like this but never come back to them, no matter how much they beg or cry.

______________________

Thx for reading the post. Hope you liked it and found it accurate ❤️ stay safe

[fastcardotmp3]

okay omg that makes so much sense actually about Steve and i think in general he's been such a constant for the party that going into season 5 without him would be really destabilizing and would really open up some space for some really interesting dynamics especially with Dustin and Eddie and Dustin and robin and just robin in general who's tether to the party is gone now, even Nancy who imo always saw him as her safe choice almost? like someone who would always be there in case it didn't work out?? soo all of that said how would you do it?? like how would you kill him??

it WOULD be so destabilizing! and you're right about the dynamics-- the reason I don't like the idea of them saving their Big Loss for the final season is that it doesn't give us any time to see the aftermath of what losing someone that vital to the group looks like, you know?

like the absence of a character you love is, in its own way, a continued presence and I think it's so important to a story like this one that (even if it forgets about it on a frequent basis) is so linked to the varied effects of grief on people

it's also the difference between killing off a character because you as a writer are done with them/ don't need them anymore since the show is ending and letting them die in an impactful way because that's the story being told, which is I think where a lot of people who don't like the idea of steve dying misunderstand where I'm coming from with it, because death is not inherently the end of a story nor the end of a character's importance to it!

but none of that answers your actual question I'm so sorry fjsdklf

I talked a bit about how I would kill steve in a pure replacement of Eddie's death scene here, but if you're giving me the chance to write it from scratch 👀 oh you know I am not going to deny you OR myself that fjasldkfj

Because if we're really leaning into the fact that Steve is the "gets back up" guy, I think his death would sneak up on us slowly until it ultimately just happens.

let me explain

Steve gets torn apart by those bats when he's dragged through the gate at Lover's Lake.

I mean he is well and truly fucked up in ways that aren't fully acknowledged by the show in canon, but what if we made that make sense? What if Steve gets up and keeps going and doesn't complain because he doesn't know how else to go about it?

Even after his arc in season 2 and losing Nancy over his instinct to push forward through pain, we never really see him have to grapple with that again, it's not a character trait he loses and it's a big part of who he is even post-New Stevification.

He's the damn tank, he's got no point of reference for what it looks like to deal with his shit in a healthy or productive manner, he just keeps moving.

So Steve gets messed up. He's bleeding, he's got torn muscles, he's definitely in the process of developing an infection or hypothermia or something walking around the UD with no shoes or shirt, open wounds just in the air like that.

And he doesn't make it a priority. He keeps moving. He gets back up. He gets his friends through that gate and listens to the plans being made and drives the getaway car and he has still not received medical attention.

We don't see Steve hurting save a few winces and grimaces here and there, even though all evidence would point towards the reality that he definitely is, because he doesn't want us to, because he's used to getting hurt close enough to the end of the thing that he can always make it out of the fray before he needs to deal with his own injuries.

He's the guy who keeps going.

He goes all the way through their trek back into the UD, manages to shut off the trailer well enough to keep the bats out even without either him or Dustin getting hurt (a close call, a scary one, but they're both breathing at the end of it, both on their feet).

Steve keeps going. He's wearing a lot of layers, but he can feel the blood soaking through them in heavier spurts now that he's aggravated all the torn flesh on his body with the running and fighting and such.

We see him wince a bit more now, bigger. But he hugs Dustin tight while they wait for their friends.

He makes sure the others get back safe, helps them climb over the mountain of bat's corpses leading up to the trailer and gets everyone back through the gate.

Gets himself back through the gate.

Stands amidst the complicated relief that they're all there but they aren't sure what all has happened yet, aren't sure they've won.

But he keeps standing.

Stays on his feet.

"Hey, Stevie, you OD back there?" Robin speaks up, something suddenly urgent to her shaky teasing as she notices Steve isn't following her as closely anymore on their trek away from the open rift in the ground and back towards where they'd hidden the Winnebago.

He sways slightly, but it's when he tries to smile at her that she sees the crimson shine of blood in his mouth.

"Nah, I'm-- right here with you."

And he collapses.

Unceremonious and on the other side of battle, in this moment when they're so close to finding shelter and safety, Steve's strings get cut and he falls to the floor at their feet and it's chaos.

It's Robin hyperventilating over what she finds when she unzips his jacket-- so much blood, why didn't you say-- this is so much blood-- and it's Dustin reminding him of a promise made in an elevator-- you die, I die, asshole!

It's Eddie trying desperately to call upon any of the first aid Wayne taught him and Nancy sitting quiet and still and barely present with two fingers pressed to Steve's neck, just under his jawline, waiting to feel...

Waiting.

She hardly even needs to check though, Nancy Wheeler, who knows better than most what it feels like in your chest when someone you love is--

"He's gone."

She knows he is. She can feel it. The world is different now and Steve Harrington is dead.

The world is different now because Steve Harrington is dead.

And all there's left for any of them to do is keep going.

[aquilamage]

SO....I finished a Hunter run.

After a number of unsuccessful attempts, I finally got further into Shoreline than the entrance shelter. I in fact made a very stupid gamble where I decided to try going all the way to Looks to the Moon's first shelter.

Got to the last stretch of water and of course the sea monster was there. Considered for a second choosing between the pearl and the neuron to grab one of the fast fish to get across. Decided to instead say fuck it and swim across myself and if I died I might leave one in the shelter next time.

But no! I made it all the way across with barely enough food by eating one of the jellyfish and literally getting in the shelter as the rain timer ran out!

Leaving me, shaking and ecstatic, at Cycle 1 to explore the area. Despite the anxiety that the one Shoreline tendril beast sighting had given me, the main room was completely normal.

And then I get to Looks to the Moon's room, and they're just fucking dead.

I'm yelling and crying and cursing the game (because "oh", it says "you don't want to kill Looks to the Moon because the idea distresses you too deeply? Well here's a portion of that you have to experience anyway!"), and I spit out the neuron from my stomach, hoping it might help, and it doesn't do shit!

Extremely upset and figuring that either somehow Cycle 1 is still too late for the game or I'm not meant to go (right) to her, I decide that well I might as well end this off finding out what happens when you run the timer out!

So I save again. I wake up and for a second everything gets red and a little distorted, but then it's normal again. I decide that well I can't get any sadder; I'll check on Looks to the Moon again.

This time, I'm holding the neuron, and the moment I walk onto screen with them, it flies out of my hand and brings them back.

(A Helping Hand: A Final Charitable Act, the steam achievement says ;v;)

While I'm busy crying over that, she tells me that I am not well (as the screen twists and pulses red again), and that I don't have much time left. She thanks me, for something that of course I would do. And then says that, for what consolation it might be, "you will wake right back up again." Which guess means that it's just gonna reboot my whole game and I'm gonna be back at the Hunter start.

(I also get mildly concerned at this point because I pause to process for a second and get the message that quitting without saving will permanently end my game. Which makes me worry that somehow there's gonna be a difference in how things go if I save versus die in this cycle too.)

Then I get my colored pearl out (side note: If I had ended up leaving something behind, I was leaning more towards leaving the neuron and taking the pearl, and I'm going to be eternally grateful that I did not do that).

It starts out with a declaration of triple affirmative!?

And then "In all seriousness, noticed barely any rain from your can, so figured a little support might be in order." Which I interpret to mean that oh, this iterator didn't get that one message about her running out of water but did sense it otherwise, and also that the neuron was from them on purpose to help her.

"Wasn't that easy to see of course, with Pebbles' shall we say healthy output." I don't know what the fuck that means other than maybe referencing that he is/was still up to so much processing stuff that it obscured other normal interactions.

Then they talked about the "unorthodox delivery method" aka me aka my Postal Worker Hunter theory was correct!!!!!!! Very Funny

And then that it's from No Significant Harassment.

Looks to the Moon only reacts to say that "Oh. I see now." and thanking me again.

Then I ran around trying to get enough food to shelter, failed, and died to rain. And the death image this time was all very dark reds, and for the first time in Hunter, one of those karma tier locking flowers sprouted from my body.

The game gave me a little score calculation (because apparently this mode has one) and spat me out to the select screen, where all I could do on this mode was view the score again.

To that very end part of things I will ask the one thing I want an answer about. yes/no: does something different happen if you save in a shelter on cycle zero versus dying like I did?

But for some other thoughts on this.

-aaaaaughghgh the ripping me open with Looks to the Moon and whatever was going on with the programming of that event that it didn't work the first time. So many things came together coincidentally at that last section that really ramped up the tension and made it like, cinematic it's wild.

-I'm currently thinking that if this is on the same timeline as the other two modes that it's before them. That Looks to the Moon actually did die from running out of water (either because even with getting ahold of Five Pebbles it was still too late or like. It wasn't but he still said fuck you and didn't stop). Which is adding yet another layer of emotionality to the "it is...very painful" line about dying from lack of water. She has five neurons when you first see her in the other mode and Hunter giving her one of NSH's makes her fifth here. And if it was after the other two, what was it that killed her? Since she clearly doesn't remember any of this in the other modes and comments on her memory here too, this neuron brought her back but didn't fix that like the later ones help with.

-why does No Significant Harassment's neuron act so differently from Five Pebbles's when you have it out of his area?

-So were they serious about the triple affirmative or not? Because when I was playing I took it at face value that that was true but now I'm thinking the lack of other talk about it and the "in all seriousness" means that's not actually a thing. Otherwise I have many what the fuck type questions including why they didn't give it to me.

-I have an answer about what the countdown is for but now more questions about what is going on with Hunter that they're apparently dying I guess? I still think it would've been cool to completely reset to the start, thematically, but eh.

-I'm super glad I did all of the regular lore pearls before this because I feel like I'd be so much more confused about what's going on here without all that context.

I feel like there's more but my brain is so scrambled from going through all that game stuff and then typing this all out. I'm gonna make myself take a break. And then I'm gonna go in the settings to bump up the number of cycles Hunter gets and start a third file to go to Five Pebbles and see what the fuck is up with him now. At the very least I hope it'll give me some timeline insight.

[rosiewitchescottage]

The Chosen S4 - Finale

Some theories based on what we've been given.

Spoilers aplenty, so continued below.

Joseph of Arimathea - Yusuf's been a front runner throughout. But I think we can be pretty much certain now.

Even were a new character to be introduced in S5, why else would so much have been invested in Yusuf?

We even have his father as a family friend of Lazarus, sitting Shiva with Martha and Mary when Jesus arrived. He witnessed Lazarus coming out from the tomb.

And he was there to see Little Sister Mary anoint Jesus with priceless oil.

Which provides a segue into

Judas and Shmuel - "I have a bad feeling about this."

I suspect that these two will be working rather closer than is healthy, somewhere between the supporters of Jesus and those plotting his death.

No. I don't think that either wants Jesus dead. But they're so caught up in their own idea of what should be happening.

Judas believes in Jesus' Messianic status. But he completely misunderstands what it means, and is increasingly frantic to see it go the way he thinks it ought to.

Shmuel wants to believe. He's spoken with Jesus, prayed with Jesus and knows that there's something extraordinary about him.

But he's so hung up on the Letter of The Law that he can't see any other way than strict, unerring adherence.

Like Judas and many others, he believes that Messiah will defeat Rome, so that Israel can lead the world to God.

Both so close yet so far.

My theory is that they will plot to get Jesus to The Sanhedrin to force his hand.

Shmuel has heard Caiaphas (?) and Co saying that they will have to get Rome to dispose of Jesus.

So Shmuel and Judas will get Jesus to The Sanhedrin, so he will have to go face to face with and directly oppose Rome.

We know how that's going to go. 😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥

Joanna and Claudia - As Jesus rides towards Jerusalem on his colt, with the all important bridle in place, and The City is preparing to welcome him.

Joanna burns her final bridge, jumping from her husband's carriage to joyously join the crowds.

There's an unspoken understanding between herself and Claudia, that following Jesus will give them both the Faith that has the Jewish people making the arduous journey to Jerusalem to worship and celebrate.

Joanna has taken that first step, after all she was already distanced from her husband.

Claudia is another matter. I wonder if she will disguise herself to go and see Jesus enter the city?

She's already been dreaming of him, but she hasn't seen him in the flesh yet.

The fact that we learned of her dreams back in S3.

That makes me think that she might see that he is the man from her dreams, earlier than when he comes to trial before her husband.

If she sees him as soon as he is entering Jerusalem. Then we'll have the whole of Holy Week in S5 for the poor woman to wrestle with her knowledge.

She's heard Herod and her husband talking about Jesus. She knows that The Sanhedrin have him in their sights.

She has 'A Bad Feeling' about where it's all heading. And I wonder what it'll mean for her relationship with her husband?

The Centurion at The Cross - How they're keeping us guessing about this!

Will be be introduced to us at the start of S5?

With this rapturous procession about to enter The City. Pilate's troops will have to be on high alert for trouble.

And, of course there will be their centurions in charge of them.

I suspect we will be getting to know the soldiers who will be performing the gruesome work of The Passion. There's the flogging, crowning with thorns, driving Jesus along Via Dolorosa to The Crucifixion at Golgotha. 😥😥😥😥😥

(One hopes that they won't be the drunken,maniacally giggling cariacatures that we had in The Passion of The Christ. 🙄🙄🙄)

This said. I can still see possible ways for Atticus and Gaius to be at least involved.

Atticus has completely terrified Pilate by letting his cocky, self assured face drop, to show a man who's seen, with his own two eyes, things that he just can't explain away.

He's seen a Zealot have his sica thrown into the river, but kneel and pledge his service to the man who disarmed him.

A man whose crippled brother now walks and dances on his own two feet.

He's seen a man walking on the storm tossed Sea of Galilee.

And he's seen a man mourned as dead for four days, walk out of his tomb alive and well.

Atticus is frantic to find out what's happening, how, why and what it means for Rome.

Could he be there to hear Jesus speak words of forgiveness for the soldiers crucifying him, tell a guilty, repentant criminal that they will be together in Paradise, make sure his Eema will be protected, in the midst of his own agony?

Will this convince him that at least The Kingdom Jesus speaks of is not one Of This World?

Gaius is now being treated as a friend in Capernaum. All our Galilean Chums heading towards Jerusalem are asking if he and his family will be coming along too, seeing as most of Capernaum will be out of town.

Having his duties as Praetor, Gaius politely declines, but asks for his thanks to be passed onto Jesus and 'Shalom, Shalom' to Simon Peter and Matthew.

But what if he and his wife have a change of mind? Things are quiet and peaceful in town, Gaius can leave orders for what needs doing.

This is their perfect change to see this all so important city and The Temple.

Little do they know what they'd be present to witness.

[theshadowrealmitself]

Oh right trek! I had forgotten what made me follow you lmao

Anyways, what’s ur opinion on the idea in some areas of trek canon that having Vulcan levels of logic is a) attainable by humanity and b) not guaranteed to blow up impressively for the human

Cause I love Vulcan logic but like. For humans that would be mental illness

Followup, what differences in emotional processing do you think Vulcans have that lets them attain such logic?

Followup, do you think it would ever be possible for a Vulcan to safely dabble in emotion? Like v’tosh k’tur but like. Mentally stable. Personally, I think it would be possible but the kinds of Vulcans drawn to illogic would probably be drawn due to traits that would make it inherently near impossible for them to ever safely feel emotions. Like the kinds of Vulcans that could safely feel emotions are also the kinds of Vulcans who never would choose to. Because the logic that lets them theoretically be able to pull it off also keeps them from wanting to Emotion

Anyways I’m off to bed, have this hybrid question/infodump to chew on

Personally, I think that logical ≠ emotionless, so while I don’t think Humans could ever get to that level of seemingly emotionless that Vulcans can, because anything beyond that calm that like monk could get to (which I still have my suspicions on if even that’s healthy), would be impossible for Humans, the closest they could do is repression and that’s not only extremely unhealthy for a Human, but it also doesn’t work out long term for them either, those emotions will eventually pop out

I do think that Humans can become as logical, cause, to me at least, logic is mainly just critical thinking, for sure Humans can accomplish that, although I guess there’d be many times where a Human’s emotion may cause them to act in a way that they know is illogical, I’m pretty sure Vulcans could also end up doing that if the situation is really high stakes for them, they’d just be less likely to do so

I don’t think Humanity as a whole can eventually get up to that point of being that quick with statistics and stuff, some Humans yeah, but we definitely could never be known for it like the Vulcans are

I’m not too good with science, but I think for the emotional processing thing, I think there’s 2 reasons why Vulcans can pull it off

Reason 1) Their bonds, these bonds can help Vulcans with a ton of things that Humans have no help with, like being actually understood by family and having that mental and emotional security no matter what, there’s a lot I think their telepathy helps with but I don’t know how to speak about it coherently

Reason 2) I think it could be explained as an evolutionary trait, now my knowledge of Surak’s time is terrible, but my way of thinking about it is that with their emotions being high and Vulcans being on the verge of destroying themselves, there must have been a lot of deaths and when they started meditating and trying to regulate their emotions, their bodies might’ve seen it as a trait that aides in survival

I think that might have also led to them evolving other things (which I mentioned on some other posts), like there must be something different about their spines or something that lets them meditate every day without health consequences

(Or maybe it’s just because their brains work so quickly that they can actually work through emotions very quickly and let go)

((Or, it’s actually only the older Vulcans who managed to actually become peaceful logical beings because of Vulcans’ long life spans, and all the younger Vulcans stay on the planet to avoid other species until they actually master their emotions and that’s why Vulcans don’t have many colonies elsewhere))

Finally, for if Vulcans could ever safely feel emotion, I really genuinely think so, because I think Vulcans don’t actually repress their emotions, I think they mastered their facial expressions, I think they mastered their body language, and I think they mastered following logic when they really really want to do something else

But I don’t think they ever actually managed being emotionless (unless you count kolihnar)

I really think that their meditating is what Human meditating is like, working through all your inner struggles and learning to let go of negative emotions so that they have an easier time moving on from situations and continuing to be logical

I think there’d be some worry that if they let loose some control then it might lead to losing more and more control of themselves, but who knows, maybe if they actually physically show emotion, it might be healthier for them overall

I do always wonder what kind of effect that being dedicated to logic actually has on them, to me, the teachings of Surak seem an awful lot like a religion becoming popular when they really needed it, it saved them from destroying themselves, but it was such a 180 from how the species had always lived their lives, is it actually healthy for them to follow it so strictly?

We’ll never really know! Maybe it’s a human-centric thought to think that it’s hurting them, and they’re actually doing fine, or maybe it really was too drastic of a change, and Vulcans actually need a middle ground between no logic and only logic, it’s fun to think about

[knockknoxwho]

Hi this is my first post and time using tumblr in general so forgive any mistakes and/or inexperience that bleeds through my words. I intend to describe what this project is and make in depth posts for different concepts in the world

S.M.A.S.H, an idea that has been with me for a little bit. An apocalypse that takes place in modern day Texas, specifically in a town in the Austin-San Antonio corridor. I plan to incorporate many different species of the area, and chart their development, general transformation percentage, symbiotic relationships that form between mutated species, defense mechanisms, hunting practices, and whatever else I can think of when delving into each species. This apocalyptic world and all of its species and changes is something I plan to port into a ttrpg GURPS campaign. I hope you all enjoy this journey as much as me!

The Fungus:

The beginning and cause of the apocalypse as a whole. Created by a large company’s pharmaceutical department led by a Dr. Simon Adler(working name), with the idea and task of emulating a healing factor similar to the axolotl’s abilities. To achieve this goal the team began experimenting with implanting different forms of parasitic organisms with the intent of creating an organism with the ability to sustain a state of symbiosis in which it took nutrients from the human host and created new human tissue in return. they decided a fungus would be best for this, but I’m not sure if any type or species that fit the traits exist in the real world. The scientists then experimented on rats and other animals to see if this gmo fungus was able to connect and acted in the ways they intended, unfortunately it just didn’t take. As a last ditch effort they hypothesized that in order to make it able to infect many types of species they’d have to make the genome of the fungus itself unstable and rapidly adaptable to organic material it encounters. To do this Dr. Adler blasted a sample with radiation, while this killed most of it, the remainder proliferated very quickly and latched onto every animal in the lab (they were specifically more susceptible to fungal infection in order to ensure that the experimental fungus could take) and collapsed all at once.

I feel like now is a good time to specify how the fungus works and what actually makes this an apocalypse instead of just a very fast bio weapon.

The fungus first spreads by spores that are shot in clouds into the air, the spores then breathed in and deposited deep in the lungs of animals.

These spores then infect the area, and slowly move toward the brain, replacing healthy tissue with its own as it goes (the fungal tissue can show up as many different things, from spring and spongey to calcified and hard like coral).

Once it reaches the brain it cuts off all motor control, this causes the animal to collapse, seemingly due to death.

The fungus then rapidly consumes energy from the host and incorporates itself into healthy tissue throughout the body

This process takes only minutes to finish to completion. Due to the speed of such a change heaps of heat is created. many animals end up spontaneously combusting, spreading the fungus into the air even more. The few who can bear it, become mutated by the fungus into different creatures with new abilities and physiology. (Different animals have different rates at which the fungus can incorporate itself, meaning some animals are much more likely to combust than others, ex: ravens are very unlikely to survive, while deer have such a high survival rate that whole herds of them still roam after the apocalypse).

The animals in the lab then rapidly became much larger and starving due to the quick growth, this presented as a feeding frenzy. The entire team of scientists were killed in the lab due to either smoke inhalation or mauling from the animals. Due to the lack of perceived danger of the study initially, safeguards such as lockdowns or automatic vent closing and backup systems were absent from the facility. This caused the spores from the laboratory to gradually waft up and out into the city above. This vent specifically had become a widely used resting place of grackles, which will be the first mutated animal that I’ll dive deeply into in the next post.

If anyone has any suggestions on the story and/or the science behind it I would appreciate each and every one of them (same with tips on how to blog and that sort) thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed and have a nice day!

[spacemagicandlaserswords]

The Bad Batch Season 2 Finale Reaction Part 2

I don't even know how to start this. Yes, other things happened in the finale episodes but I am not ok and I am still reeling from Tech's death. I haven't been that deeply affected by something in a while. The absolute horror and desperate pleading and crying at my laptop screen at 1am in the morning. It didn't properly hit me until after the episode finished but the genuine, visceral, painful ugly sobbing and crying that happened once the proverbial dam broke was something that hasn't happened in a while.

And it wasn't just that either. I felt physically sick and in pain. Still do. I've been wandering around in a sort of hollow, numb daze ever since, not really sure what to do with myself. Functioning but not really here. It's grief. I'm feeling actual, real, genuine grief. I feel like I've lost someone special that I cared for so much. I've kind of always known that I don't handle grief well and I'm getting better at identifying and dealing with it. This is one of those times where now that I've had a little bit more time I've realised that yes, it's grief.

I'm just – I cannot put into words how devastating that was. And the scene itself was even more completely heartbreaking. As soon as he said he could turn on the power but would have to do it at one of the poles I knew something was up. Instinctively, I just knew but I was desperately hoping and holding onto the idea that they'd have some ridiculous plan where they all got out of it safely.

But no.

Even now as I'm typing this out I'm so viscerally upset and trying not to sob and cry. Throughout that whole scene as things kept going wrong and the situation got worse and worse it all built up to the growing realisation that yup, this was it for Tech. There was a long shot of the rail cars from side on that showed the left rail car bending down and barely hanging on and then there was Tech dangling off the end even further below. I think it was that shot where it hit me that he's not getting out of this.

And then sacrificing himself to save the rest of the Batch.

"When have we ever followed orders".

...

I'm crying again.

I remember watching him in that moment and just desperately pleading and begging and no, you can't do this, no, not like this, not now, there's a way out of this, they can still save him, please, come on you can do this.

And then he makes this perfect shot that goes straight through the last bit of metal that was just barely holding the rail car up, because of course he does.

And then he just fell.

I've got so much more that I want to write about The Bad Batch finale but I didn't think I'd be affected by it this much. Affected doesn't feel like the right word but I can't think of a better one right now. It's all consuming. I'm not sure that I've even processed it yet. How I'm supposed to get through work tomorrow I've no idea. I really should have written more of this initial emotional reaction and thoughts at the time as I've had a while to sit with my emotions by now. There is so, so, so much more that I want to write about it all but at least I've started with this.

Do I actually think Tech is dead? No. Stay tuned for many deluded and in denial theories. Does that lessen the devastation and heart break of what happened and the emotions we're all going through? Also no.

This is going to be with me for sometime and I don't know if I'm ever truly going to be able to get over it or move on but I also don't think that's healthy or realistic. You learn to live with it and are changed by it. It's never going to go back to the way things were or how it used to be. But slowly, you're able to keep going in the new way of things.

But for now, I'm going to sit with it, feel this, and remember it all. And probably cry again.

[joiedecombat]

OTP asks: 17 & 6 😊

17. Who fell in love first?

6. When did they realize they loved each other?

For Raine and Aymeric, this is kind of a whole saga, really.

Detailed Heavensward spoilers and a lot of tl;dr under the cut.

I've talked about Raine's early impressions of Aymeric and how she found it difficult to trust him at first. Though that improved after she spent some time in Foundation, she didn't really start to see the true man until she came back from her Dravanian road trip with Alphinaud and Estinien and Ysayle, when Aymeric insisted on confronting Thordan about the truths they'd uncovered. Until then he'd maintained the mask of the political game-player, supportive but also carefully hedging his bets; that was the first time she understood the depth of his idealism.

At that point, Raine had a much closer connection with Haurchefant. She might have had romantic feelings for him - she was still in the process of sorting out how she felt when the raid on the Vault happened and everything went to shit. Haurchefant's death hit her very hard, and between that and the necessity of chasing down Thordan and the Ward and finally getting some leads on the missing Scions, there was simply no time for her to process much until quite a while afterward, any feelings of attraction toward Aymeric least of all.

Meanwhile Aymeric had been getting reports on Raine's actions around Dragonhead and Whitebrim from well before the two of them met in person, and was already intrigued about what he'd heard. Canny as he is, he took all the praise she received with a healthy grain of salt, but once they met and especially after she came to Ishgard he only found himself more and more impressed by how much she did for his nation - not just for House Fortemps who sheltered her, but for pretty much anyone else who crossed her path, from the Brume all the way to the Convictory and more.

So Aymeric definitely fell first. However, this was also a very fraught time for him personally, with the looming threat of a decisive attack by Nidhogg and his horde, civil unrest within the walls of Foundation, and then having his whole understanding of Ishgard's history and the Dragonsong War upended by the information Raine and company brought back from Dravania. He experienced a very personal and ideological betrayal at the hands of his own father, was tortured by the Heavens' Ward, and while the narrative doesn't spend time on it we can't minimize how much that had to have impacted him.

And almost as soon as Raine stopped Thordan and the Ward from enacting their plans, there was the need to work things out with the dragons, and then that was jeopardized by Nidhogg's return - this time by possessing Aymeric's closest friend. So while his feelings for Raine were growing through all of this, he also didn't have much opportunity for him to process it until later.

For Aymeric, I think the lightning bolt moment was at the Grand Melee.

Riding the emotional high of Ishgard's victory against the other Grand Companies, the proof that they can still pull together for a common goal despite all the strife and upheaval... And Raine's the one who carried them there, wearing Ishgardian colors, because he asked her to fight on their side even though she had no obligation to.

(Thancred had it figured out before either of them did, once he witnessed Aymeric asking her to participate on Ishgard's side and Aymeric's reaction when she agreed:

"Gods help me, I think it might be love. [...] And did you see the way his eyes lit up when you nodded? 'Twas a look of boundless relief and joy. One would think a politician more practiced at concealing his emotion.")

It could have very well ended there, if Raine had taken off immediately for the Rising Stones and her next adventure. Aymeric wasn't blind to Haurchefant's feelings for Raine, and he had no idea if she might have reciprocated; she obviously grieved for him, so either way making a move seemed disrespectful and wrong. And even without that, he didn't want to put any pressure on her when she was already in such constant demand for whatever the Alliance might need doing.

But precisely because the events around ending the Dragonsong War took such a toll on her, Raine stayed on in Ishgard for a good while after everything was settled, helping with the restoration efforts and the establishment of the Firmament and generally recuperating. That gave them more time to interact without all of the other crap looming over them, and Raine had the time to heal and to see Aymeric's best sides as he continued to work to build a better Ishgard.

It's hard to put a finger on when she realized she'd fallen in love with him. If she had to say, it was probably during the Skyrise fetes celebrating the completion of the Firmament district. She was roped into participating by a group of orphans she'd befriended (the oldest boy among them was reluctant to join in for fear of looking childish, so Raine felt compelled to set an example for him). Aymeric managed to get away from his work as Speaker long enough to put in an appearance, and during the final round of games, when the participants were tasked to hand out gifts to various people, Francel and the organizers of the fete conspired to have Raine deliver a gift to him. Their intent was mostly just to show respect and gratitude to Aymeric for his leadership by having the Warrior of Light and national hero present him with a token, but it ended up being a moment that tipped Raine into examining how she felt about him more closely.

(Estinien had also turned up, semi-incognito in his civvies, to check out the completed Firmament and got the unexpected side bonus of seeing this all go down.

"Fury take me, you're in love with her," and then Aymeric all but combusted on the spot, giving Estinien a chance to make good his exit.)

Even then, it took a long time afterwards for either of them to act on their feelings. Raine had no idea how Aymeric felt and did not want to overstep, especially as she knew she wouldn't be in Ishgard permanently. The main result was that they formed a strong friendship with an increasingly powerful undercurrent of unresolved sexual tension and romantic pining that didn't get worked out until, uh, right before Raine disappeared off to the First for Shadowbringers.

[snarkylinda]

I started an AU where Elle, Derek, Penelope, JJ, Emily, and Spencer meet when they were children/teenagers and became BEST FRIENDS because it's what they deserve.

Friends are much cheaper that a shrink

1985. Chicago, Illinois. 

“Do I really have to go?”

Fran Morgan sighted for what felt like the tenth time that morning, her hand clenching the car’s wheel a bit tighter as she tried her best to keep her voice even, soothing, as her eyes meet her son’s through the rearview mirror.

“We had talked about this, yes you do” At his pout, she quickly added “Don’t give me that look Derek, is for your own good”

“The girls didn’t have to….”

“Sarah is receiving counseling from someone at her school actually, and Desi…..well, we had yet to have that conversation but I can guarantee she will as well” Her eyes softened when Derek turned his own to the window, his arms crossed over his chest “Besides what do you know? You could make new friends in there, it could even be fun!”

“Doubt it….”

Silence fell over them again as Fran refocused her eyes on the roadway, occasionally checking him with the mirror. It wasn’t until Derek turned his attention to the window that she let her own gaze fall, her grip on the wheel loosening a bit as her little smile vanished. 18 months. It has been 18 months since their lives fell apart. From the moment that her, in that time, 10-year-old witnessed the untimely death of his father, his hero. Time didn’t heal any wounds- if anything, they seemed to only get worse. Fran had lost count of how many times she had been called to the school because Derek got into a fight with a fellow classmate.

“He is in the anger stage of the grieving process, but sadly he can’t move on from there without proper help”

The counselor had told her the last time that happened, the time her son actually gave one of his upper classmates a black eye. It was defending his cousin, Cindi, after he lifted up her skirt when she passed by- but his record and the violent evidence got him suspended for two weeks anyways. Two weeks that Fran was determined to make the best of.

Her sister-in-law called her the night of the incident, after Cindi told her everything about the incident. Yvonne then mentioned a special, counseling program for law enforcement and other high risks workers’ families in the city, and Fran didn’t have to think it twice. Derek, on the other hand, hated the idea the moment he heard about it. 

“Listen honey, I know you don’t want to talk about it but it’s not healthy to bottle everything up like that- and I know youhate the school counselor so….why not talk to others that know what you are going through?”

“I am not ´going through´ anything mom, I am fine” His scowl slowly disappeared and he lowered his arms and rested his forehead against the car’s window “Is Des you should be worried about, I caught her crying in the bathroom the other day…..”

“As I said, that is a conversation I will have with her soon. You can be sure of that” Fran noticed the way her son’s body stilled when the door came to a stop, her hand hovered over the key but she didn’t pull it off yet, not before turning to actually look at him “Derek, I appreciate how much you worry over your sisters, I truly do. But the feeling is mutual. If you don’t do this for yourself, do it for them- Sarah told me you hadn’t been….sleeping well lately”

“I have a few bad dreams here and there, nothing to fuss about” Derek mumbled, but unlocked his seatbelt anyways. He knew that there was not convincing his mother of going back now, but it didn’t mean he had to like it. And he certainly didn’t appreciate Sarah outing him like this either “Snitch….”

“Hey now, she is just concerned about you” Fran scolded lightly, finally turning the car off and unlocking her own seat belt “Just like you fuss over Desiree, Sarah does the same for you. It’s an older sibling instinct”

All Derek did in response was huff and get out of the car; followed closely by his mother who -with a glare- made him close the car’s door way more gently than he clearly intended to originally and followed Fran to what looked like a hospital without the ambulance parking lot.

´Let’s get this over with…..´

“I want to go home….” Elle Greenaway murmured, hiding her face in the little plush rabbit she carried around. It has been 20 minutes since her mom dropped her there and left for work- and it felt like hours. She hated every second of it. She hated having to sit on those hard,very uncomfortable seats. She hated the way that the AC had the whole place freezing and her dress didn’t protect her limps, she hated the way these strangers would pass by her and stare at her withpity as she had, without a doubt, looked as upset as she felt.

But what she hated the most was having to talk to a bunch of those strangers about her hero, that would never come back to her.

Elle resented him. How dare he leave her and her mother all alone? He promised he would always come back!

But that recement couldn’t be taken on someone that wasn’t there anymore so she took it off on the next target: her classmates, particularly those mean girls that always gossiped about her because they thought she was “too boyish”- and that had landed her on her current situation.

And she hated every part of it,so much.

She hated it so much she didn’t even notice a teenage girl approaching her until her hand was on her shoulder, making her jump in surprise and almost drop her plush.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you” The older girl said, bending down slightly to speak eye-to-eye with Elle, who stared back with wide, tear-filled eyes. “Where is your mommy?”

“She left for work…” Elle murmured, her eyes narrowing as if she was scanning the teenager, who was offering a rather awkward smile in return. “I am supposed to be waiting for the counselor….”

“Are you Elle Greenaway?” a hesitant nod “Well search no more sweetie, I am your counselor”

“Really?” Now it was turn for the older girl to nod. “Great, so we can end this as soon as possible and I can go back home”

´Oh this one got attitude…. nice´

“Trust me honey, I don’t want to be here even more than you do. But we gotta wait, I am supposed to take another kid like you in”

“Another kid like me?....what is that supposed to mean?” Elle watched with a raised eyebrow as the supposed counselor bite her lower lip and started fidgeting, which made her realize…. “What happened to your nails?”

“Oh that? It’s a bad habit, I tend to bite them when I am anxious….”  She was grateful for the momentary distraction, but knew that the little girl was waiting for an answer to the initial question “and what I mean with kids like you I am referring to….someone that can understand what you are going through. It’s part of the program, that way you feel less….alone when you speak to me or my colleagues”

´Nobody can understand!´ Elle wanted to scream, but knew that this girl wouldn’t hesitate to tell her mother that, which would mean more appointments, and that was the last thing she wanted, so she simply hummed and hugged her plushie close.

“What is its name?” The counselor asked, after a few minutes of awkward silence, hoping that the other kid she was meant to take in would arrive soon so they could all get this over with “Your bunny, I mean”

“Peanut…” Elle whispered, and the older girl didn’t miss the way the voice she had clearly tried to keep even during their whole exchange quivered.

For the tenth time that day, she realized that this was abad idea.

‘Seriously, what was mom thinking? I can’t do this; these kids will go home even more damaged! ´

“Excuse me” Both girls turned toward the new voice to find a woman holding a boy’s hand, none of them had realized that the previously semi-crowned corridor was completely empty now. “I am here for the counseling program, the social worked told me to search for someone called Emily Prentiss”

Emily quickly straightens herself up, resisting the urge to pick on her nails again and instead offering a hand for Fran to shake “That would be me, Ma’am. It’s a pleasure” Her eyes landed on Derek, who was doing his best to not look at either of them “And you must be Derek, am I right?”

“Yeah….” He mumbled, clearly asthrilledabout being there as the two girls. But Fran ignored his tone in favor of a new concern…

“Um, aren’t you…. A bit young to be counseling, sweetie?” She didn’t want to sound rude, but the girl in front of her couldn’t be older than Sarah. Emily simply sighed, already expecting the questions, but reciting what her mother had pretty much forced her to memorize by heart anyways.

“Is part of our special program, most of the counselors hadn’t graduated high school yet. We believe that the closer to the age of the patients, the easier it will be to….well, form a connection of some sort”

´Doubt it´Both kids thought in unison, but Fran simply smiled. Now she could see why her sister-in-law had recommended her this program. She kneeled in front of her son, making him look back at her with as much disdain for the situation as he could mutter….but she could see it- the concern in his eyes.

“Hey….just give it a chance, ok?” At the clear hesitation on his face, Fran added “Do it for me, please?”

That did the trick.

“Ok….I’ll try”

“That is my boy” She kissed his forehead before giving him a gentle push to where Emily and Elle were standing.

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it though” He added before following the girls to another room, making both Emily and Fran snort as Elle quietly agreed.

“Same here, buddy” Emily murmured after closing the door behind her, biting her lip as now she was all on her own with two kids thatclearlywere there against their will, just like her. "Why don't we start by....presenting ourselves? Name, age, and why you are here"

The kids shared a look before shrugging, Elle stepped in first.

"Elle Greenaway, 10 years old, and my mom forced me to"

"Derek Morgan, 12 years old, and my mom forced me to"

"Emily Prentiss, 15 years old, and my mom forced me to"

The three, despite the situation, couldn't help but chuckle. Knowing that even the counselor wanted nothing to do with this program was kind of....comforting.

´It means we can get this over with faster!´ Was the shared thought in the room as they sat down.

1985. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. 

"State your name and age to the class, please"

The whole classroom started at the young girl standing in front of them- a smile as bright as her yellow dress, boots, and earrings settled on her face as she stared back at them. The only one in the room that wasn't even looking at her was another girl sitting at the back of the room, her eyes were fixated on the window she was sitting next to instead, her head rested on her right hand as her left fidgeted her necklace. 

The girl in the front simply nodded in the teacher's direction and cleared her throat "Hi, my name is Penelope, Penelope Garcia, I am 8 years old. Me and my parents are from California but we moved here a few weeks ago. Nice to meet you!"

Now even the girl on the back turned toward her direction, her eyes widening slightly, as did the others's in the class. And so the whispers started.

"Quiet, please"  The teacher hushed, one of her hands on Penelope's shoulder as the girl simply smiled at her, way more timidly that the way she had at her fellow classmates through. "Penelope skipped a couple of grades, but I want you to treat her like you would with other classmates, understood?"

A chorus of "Yes ma'am" was heard across the room, but some hushed whispers spared across it remained. The girl on the back simply turned to the window again.

"Now where could you sit...." The teacher's eyes roamed around the room, but Penelope was faster.

"There is a free sit over there" She was already on her way to it, but the teacher grabbed her shoulder gently before she could move further "Ma'am?"

"Er....I don't think is a good idea, Penelope-"

"If she wants to sit there I don't mind" The girl on the window spoke, her eyes never leaving their designed spot. Her tone was even, disinterested -monotone.

The teacher sighed, but gestured to the puzzled Penelope to the empty chair next to the older girl without another world. 

Penelope didn't pay any mind to all the eyes that were fixated on her as she made her way to the back of the classroom, next to the girl that had spoken previously. Even when she put her backpack on the chair with a loud thud, she didn't move from her spot on the window nor look back at her. This didn't settle well with Penelope.

"Um...Hi! Nice to meet you, I guess we'll be desk neighbors?" Penelope didn't miss the way that all the other desks were a couple of feet away from them on her way to the back, nor the way a couple of girls sitting in front were staring at them withconcern. 

No response.

Penelope's smile slowly vanished as she turned toward the front, deciding to focus on whatever the teacher had started talking about as she started to fidget with her bright pink pen. She heard a sigh next to her, that made her turn toward her "desk neighbor", who, for once, was staring at her instead of the window.

"That is a cute pen" She murmured, her tone still dry but her eyes revealed something else....curiosity. Penelope simply smiled.

"Thanks! My mom gave it to me before we moved in"

"You said you guys are from California, didn't you?" A nod "Why did you move here of all places?"

"My dad's job" Penelope answered with a little shrug. Despite paying undivided attention to the little conversation that had sparked between her and her aloof classmate, she still managed to write everything the teacher was talking about with precision and a flawless, pink calligraphy. The older girl could start to see why she was in the 5th grade despite her age. 

"I see...."

Silence again, but this time it wasn't heavy and awkward- despite the fact Penelope had clearly noticed the unusual atmosphere surrounding the older girl, she never questioned it, not even staring at her when she turned back to her window-gazing. She just....smiled at her whenever their eyes would meet during the class.

She had to admit, it was contagious.

"Jennifer Jareau"

"Huh?" Penelope turned toward her, confusion all over her face but her eyes softened when she was met with a little, shy smile.

"My name is Jennifer, Jennifer Jareau" She said, imitating Penelope's tone when she introduced herself before. The younger girl was basically bouncing on her seat as her face lightened up, she dropped her precious pen in favor of taking one of Jennifer's -the one that wasn't holding her pendant- on hers. She was met with zero position to the sudden touch.

"Can I call you J.J?" 

"I would feel offended if you didn't"

1985. Las Vegas, Nevada.

"Excuse me" A meek, timid voice broke through the recently hired "librarian's" daydreaming. It was her first time attending the reception on her own and so far- the day was incredibly slow andboring. Aside from her, the only two people around were an old man that was solving a crossword book on the table and a clearly hungover college student pulling a last-minute effort to save the semester. So the very small child standing in front of her desk with at least 5 books in his arms -which he was clearly struggling to carry- was the most interesting thing to walk those doors all day "Do you....um.... know where Ms. Archer is?"

The puzzled "librarian" had to blink twice before she registered his question "O-oh! Yeah, she is a friend of mine, had to leave early today thought"  

She noticed the way he seemed to evade meeting her eyes as humanly possible, she tried hard to no profile the poor little thing as it was evident he felt really uncomfortable with a normal person's gaze, let alone aprofessionaldoing it. Plus, her colleagues had told her it was plain rude. 

"Are you the...um... new librarian?" His voice was getting meeker by the second, but he made an effort to actually look at her eyes this time. Something on her chest tightened as his innocent eyes reminded her so much of the pair waiting for her at home. 

"No no. I am just doing Ms. Archer a favor. I am on my vacation actually" She let out a quiet giggle. Her co-workers had stared at her wide-eyed when she told themwhereshe was taking her break, but it was just an excuse to stop by and focus on her classes. "In what can I help you in the meantime, buddy?"

"I just came to return these" His voice was much clearer now that his eyes focused on the books he had previously balanced on his arms instead that on her. 

"Sure thing, just let me check them-" Her eyes widened as she recognized the cover of the first book she handed to her "Er....how old are you exactly, sweetie?"

"In years, months, weeks, days or hours?" 

"What?" She was most lost by the minute, but he flinched and dropped his eyes again, his glasses almost falling out as he fidgeted.

"Right I was told to not do that, it's weird...." He murmured to himself like some kind of mantra before turning to her again with practiced seriousness.

"I am 4 years old" He said, no hesitation in his voice this time, but she could clearly see his body was tense.

"Er..... these books aren't for someone of your age bud"´Never mind that, can he actually read them?´ "Would you like me to help you find something more appropriated-"

"Don't even try miss" The old man on the table said, a little grin on his face as the boy waved in his direction "We don't get it either, but Spence here loves to read the Rossey guy"

"Rossi, Mr. Smith. His name is Rossi. And I just love the way he dissects the suspects' minds- makes them feel more...human"

"They shouldn't, kid. But whatever makes you happy I guess" He murmured before going back to his book, the student snickering at the exchange, and the temporal librarian completely lost.

"Your name is Spence, right?" Oh, she had to learn more. 

"Spencer, yes. Spencer Reid" He corrected, adjusting his glasses again.

She smiled. If he was older, that would have felt extremely condescending and obnoxious, but she could tell it was a completely earnest, innocent comment. “Well Spencer, I am sure that ´Rossey´ will be very happy to know he has fans so young”´Or if he has any decency left, extremely concerned´

It was like all his previous shyness vanished into thin air. “Do you know Ms. Rossi?!” Spencer was almost clinging to the table.

“Something like that” She chuckled, but her eyes narrowed as the little bundle of energy started to rant about the book and- oh god,was he quoting it?

´He actually understands it. I can’t believe it…´

“And on page 234 he says that arsonists are-“ His ranting stopped abruptly as the church’s bell resonated, his eyes widening as he turned toward the clock on the wall. “Oh no, I better go back”

“Something wrong, Spencer?”´I mean aside from the fact you were about to go into extreme, gory detail about one of the worst cases I had to face at 4 years old?´

“I have to go home before….” He shook his head, a bit disappointed and sad he wouldn’t bring a new book home. A book he could use as an excuse to not hear his parents arguing. From his mother crying….if it was a good day.

“I understand…. But before you go” She grabbed a card from her purse, and put it on his open palm “When you are older…. You could visit my seminar; we would be really honored to have someone like you there”

“Someone like…me?” It was the first time that phrase wasn’t uttered in a…very specific tone, one he couldn’t pinpoint either, but it was definitely different. He read the card before facing turning toward her with wide eyes “You work for the FBI?”

Her smile widened as she mocked a little bow, making him giggle quietly “Agent Alex Blake at your service”

That night, as Spencer lay awake at his bed with the already routine screams and shouts, his hyperactive mind was, for once, focused on one thing alone

“I think you would fit with my class. Talk about it with your parents and when you are a bit older and had come to a decision, come see me in Virginia. I can get you that old man’s autograph with some pushing”

The front door was slammed close. His father left after an unfinished argument again, those instances were becoming more and more recurrent lately.

You would fit with my class.

He couldn’t hear his mother’s crying. That means it was a good day….or a very bad one.

Fit

His grip on the card Agent Blake had given to him was tight enough to start to break it. But it didn’t really matter, is not like he would forget what was on it anytime soon.

[mejomonster]

i’m not good with words so i probably won’t describe it right. but the black/white mentality online sometimes of things with any flaws being ‘pure evil/need to be destroyed’ and expecting the alternative to be whatever arbitrary things the person decided are ‘perfectly healthy’... does not do anyone good.

i mean yes, we could go into it being an extension of purity culture, of conservatism mindset etc but like. at an even more basic level, especially because online spaces have a lot of younger people:

its really bad to view YOURSELF that way. and when you’re viewing even things way outside you that way, you might be viewing yourself that way. that relationship in X novel is bad because person 1 didn’t communicate right away, and even if they learn and improve through the novel you’ve already decided they’re “too flawed”, or maybe the person 1 never fully improves since its a novel and ‘awful’ to ‘moderately decent at relationships’ is the arc instead of moderately decent to ‘perfect.’ 

But my point is, about yourself: no one is perfect. You will NEVER be perfect. Please don’t hold yourself to the expectation you MUST BE PERFECT and anything less makes you pure evil/irredeemable/awful and unworthy of being treated fairly. The best anyone can do in this life, is try their best, notice when they do happen to mess up or someone lets them know they have, and practice trying to do better next time. You can improve yourself for a lifetime, for decades go to therapy and do all the right exercises and work on yourself every time you slip up even a little AND give yourself breaks so you don’t work yourself to death being overly critical of yourself nonstop... and still by your death you won’t be perfect. 

When I see people get very intensely angry about fiction being imperfect, about wanting it ‘perfect,’ it makes me worry maybe they can’t take and accept their own imperfections. That they see themselves as pure good or evil too, and either naively think of themselves as “perfect” which leads to ignoring when you do actually harm others or yourself (which will happen sometimes), or think of themselves already as irredeemably bad and never able to fix it (since any imperfection even if working on it is “not good enough” according to such a thought process). And that’s an awful way to live. You need to be able to care for yourself NOW, think you’re worthy of respect and fairness NOW, think others critiques of you can be put to constructive use so you can grow, think of yourself as the sum of all the years of growing and improving you ALREADY DID and how that’s a wonderful amazing thing you’ve accomplished! 

This purity culture idea just seems like its very prone to making the people sucked into it self hate because humans just never can be fully perfect, or sucked into never improving and growing and rejecting times they maybe should for their own wellbeing because admitting they have any flaws makes them forever ‘awful.’ That’s not true. You’re not inherently bad, period. You’re not bad for having flaws, you’re normal and human and alive. It’s okay to have flaws, its okay to gradually work on them because humans can only improve so much at a time, its okay to realize 2 decades later that oh you still have this negative thing you do and then maybe work on it then. The reality is we will never be perfect, we will still find our share of some kinds of flaws when we’re very old and about to die, and we need to be able to accept ourselves and appreciate the progress we constantly make and recognize we are valuable and inherently okay as people even when there are still flaws or new flaws come up. 

[acourtofthought]

Hi there!

Their setup is typical of SJM.

(I'm going to be including spoilers for TOG here).

Rowan once said this of Aelin:

Rowan paused his stalking. “You’re worthless.” “Tell me something I don’t know.” He went on, “You would probably have been more useful to the world if you’d actually died ten years ago.”

Feyre started off terrified of Rhys in ACOTAR and told him she hated him at the start of ACOMAF.

Nesta chose to sleep with other males after meeting Cassian, was doing so at the start of ACOSF despite us later finding out she wanted him from the first moment she met him and it terrified her.

Hunt initially thought Bryce was nothing more than a vapid party girl.

Elide thought Lorcan was pathetic at one point for his loyalty to Maeve so she chose to ignore him.

Two characters pushing one another away because they're afraid of how they're drawn to the other or starting off with hate is the kind of writing SJM prefers. She's a fan of the enemy to lovers trope. That's not everyone's preferred kind of romance but when trying to predict a pairing in this series it's not a bad idea to look at her past endgame couples.

Lucien and Elain are currently at a distance from one another but that makes a lot of sense for two major reasons.

First, they haven't gotten a book yet. Just as SJM rebooted Nessian to where they weren't talking at the start of SF, she's done the same with Elucien.

And yes, Nesta all but confessed her emotions for Cassian in the war but she had no other love interest in ACOWAR. Elain and Lucien were both dealing with feelings for others when mated. Elain was engaged and in love and it's actually very healthy that SJM didn't have her jump from Graysen to Lucien when Graysen was the one to end their engagement.

Lucien spent centuries convinced that Jesminda was his mate, spent centuries feeling guilty over her death, and it wouldn't be healthy for him to jump into something with Elain right away "just because" they're mates. He is drawn to her, he longs for her but SJM is giving him time to process that what he thought for hundreds of years turned out to be wrong (it wouldn't be fair for him to bring that into a new relationship).

So Elain not currently not appearing interested in him is not an issue because Rowan and Aelin were not interested in one another that way for quite awhile. Or maybe she is interested and we'll eventually find out that Elain was drawn to Lucien from the start and that horrified her because she was engaged to Graysen and she felt disloyal so she's spent the last two years trying to prove that she doesn't have to give in to those feelings by looking elsewhere. Or maybe after losing Graysen and losing her father she's terrified of really opening herself up to her mate so she's trying to take the safe route with a crush on Az.

There's a lot of possible reasons for why Elain is acting the way she is and until her POV I don't think we can actually say that she avoids him because she has no interest in him. Yes the bond intimidates her but it scared Nesta too:

"I am your mate, for fuck's sake!" Cassian shouted, loud enough for people across the river to hear it. "You are my mate! Why are you still fighting it?" She let the truth, voiced at last, wash over her. "You promised me forever on Solstice," he said, voice breaking. "Why is one word somehow throwing you off that?" "Because with that one word, the last scrap of my humanity goes away!" "With that one stupid word, I am no longer human in any way. I'm one of you!"

We know Elain was more attached to her humanity than either of her sisters so if Nesta was that intimidated at the thought of having a mate than it would stand to reason Elain's dealing with it on an even deeper level. Especially because she felt the bond snap immediately and with a bond comes all the irrational mating bond urges that we've read about, something that goes against the prim and proper behavior she grew up with.

As far as she and Az making more sense, that's like saying Feyre and Tamlin made more sense just because Feyre loved him at one point and agreed to marry him.

It comes down to who each character is as an individual and what their lasting potential looks like based on that (not who they have a crush on at any given minute. If Az had his way, he would have ended up with Mor but they wouldn't have made sense long term either).

Az tortures people, it's said he can conduct a symphony of pain and does tend to lose his temper at times, resorting to violence (i.e. in the High Lords meeting when he attacked Eris). He also sought extreme revenge against his brothers and is confrontational against Rhys and Feyre.

We're told cruelty bothers Elain. She deflected credit for stabbing the king, was worried how many soldiers would die, demanded that Feyre not harm Graysen, returned Truth Teller "without looking back" and Feyre confirms she's not typically confrontational (something that could create an imbalance in disagreements with she and Az).

No matter how much Elain might care for someone, at some point the fact that Az kills people for a living but also makes them suffer as much as possible would probably become a bit of an issue. His methods are something Feyre, the High Lady of the Night Court even has an issue with at times.

In comparison, SJM specifically tells us that no matter what had been done to Lucien in the past, no matter the torment he'd suffered from his brothers and fathers, he'd learned to keep his cool. He'd never sought revenge against them, he's never harmed Graysen though Graysen was a threat to his mating bond.

Az likes to work from the shadows and prefers his space (he's not social). His people skills (both in and outside of the IC) aren't that great.

In book 1 we're told Elain was flushed and brilliant, surrounded by a circle of friends. She closed down the party when Feyre and Nesta were ready to head to bed. Feyre said she can convince anyone to do anything with a few smiles and even the brusque head cook found reasons to sneak her treats.

So we have one character who is anti social and one who is extremely social.

In comparison, Lucien is extremely social too, he's written as making friends across all courts and being good at talking to others and enjoys parties. Feyre reminds us that he prefers to use his words to win his battles.

Elain loves nature, the author has spoken of it on many occasions, that she's happiest there.

Really, there's nothing to indicate Az likes nature much at all. But Lucien hunts, he fishes with his bare hands, he rides horses and camps and looked crafted from the forest. SJM told us that Lucien is happiest in nature too.

Lucien and Elain are both underestimated by other characters, something they could connect on. Az himself did not believe that Elain should be exposed to the Darkness of the Trove, already trying to prevent her growth even though she was extremely brave with both the hounds and the king during the war. He spoke out against her after she was the one who offered to help search for it, something very reminiscent of how Tamlin treated Feyre in ACOMAF.

Lucien acknowledged the brave thing she did during the war.

Az has prejudices against the Illyrians, Lucien had them against humans and Elain had them against Fae. As of SF, Elain is now helping the fae of Velaris with their gardens, Lucien is now helping the humans rebuild and sort out their politices and Az.....still has prejudices against the Illyrians. Both Elain and Lucien are quick to realize the error in their ways versus Az who holds grudges and is willing to burn bridges with allies over jealousy.

Also, SJM wrote it so Lucien met Elain's father, not Az. Elain was the closest to him out of the three sisters and there's a lot of potential for conversations between she and Lucien. When she's missing him, remembering him, Lucien will have been the one to spend time with him and share his memories with her.

SJM also started off the series with Lucien's father being from Autumn. She retconned that so his real father is from Day Court (Day Court having the power of the sun), and she consistently mentions Elain along with sunshine.

"What can I get you, Elain?" "Sunshine".

Elain by the sunniest of windows / Elain took a spot by the windows, also typical. / She'd always been so full of light. / As if any bit of darkness was abhorrent, as if to chase it away.

Az embodies the Night Court, he is a darkness that matches Rhys, a darkness that even Rhys has been scared of.

SJM isn't an opposites attract sort of author, she makes her pairings share similar characteristics (Feyre said she'd be too dark for someone like Tarquin and she and Rhys were both self sacrificing, Nesta and Cassian both had a warriors heart, etc.)

And she goes out of our way to remind us that there is not darkness in Elain but there is in Az, that she prefers the light, prefers to avoid violence, is different than her sisters (who belong in the NC), Yes, she's brave enough to face darkness and overcome it but that doesn't mean she herself harbors darkness inside of her. SJM made her scent "a promise of Spring". She had Night Court black suck the life out of her (no matter how much she claimed to be part of the court). She had Nesta think of her as a dog and Feyre think her as no more than a pleasant companion.

It's easy to see Elain and Az sharing a few glances and nearly kissing and think "awwww, they want to be together" but it's the constant messages that SJM is feeding us behind that smokescreen that show their incompatibility. It's SJM regularly dropping hints at the compatibility of Elain and Lucien despite her refusing to get to know him (something we know SJM is a pro at having a character overcome once they have their own book). All the Elucien setup is right now is angst and tension (something she even TOLD us they'd have on her Twitter acount) and that makes for a more powerful story when it's time, a "looks impossible scenario" only for the acceptance of their bond to be well earned by the end of it all.

Finally, SJM said Elain took both she and Lucien by surprise with their mating bond, that initially she thought Lucien would be with Nesta until she realized they'd cause one another more suffering.

If the author herself tells us a character took her by surprise and went about changing Lucien's father as a result, so he would literally have the power of the Sun with her desire for sunshine, it's difficult for many not to ship Elucien. Angst is typical in a book, enemies to lovers, pretending someone doesn't feel what they're feeling by looking for physical connection elsewhere and misunderstandings are popular in many romance novels, so the things they have to overcome are just that, things to overcome and something SJM does very well.

Can someone please explain to me how you can ship Elain and Lucien together when they want literally nothing to do with each other???? I feel like her and Azriel make so much more sense. The mating bond isn’t perfect and SJM said so herself and in the series… no hate please I just want to understand 😭

[jakeysfics]

Politics?? In My Chainsaw Man?

I can’t sleep, so we’re doing a sleep-deprived political reading of chainsaw man part 1, Spoilers inbound.

Alright, the simplest reading of chainsaw mans political messaging is about the meaning of labour and worker abuse.

It's about how Japanese society directly breaks people in the way they are treated and expected to work. The phrasing of "contracts" being made with powerful devils seems pretty deliberate. Especially in the way that the literal bosses of every organization are either literal devils (Makima) Or will do things just as bad. The theme of, "You have to be crazy to work here" is one phrase that's shown and expanded upon with each of the characters. The problem is that “here” means everywhere. You have to be crazy to work, period.

Denji

Denji enters the story missing parts of his body and living in poverty. Eating cigarettes because it’ll get him cash. Unable to ask for a happy life because he’s barely even living one. In a conventional story, Denji would rise to higher ranks to make more money or suddenly come into massive wealth, but that isn’t what happens.

Pochita is seen as an asset, something to use for just his value and nothing more until he meets Denji. 

Something special about Denji nobody really talks about is that he never dreams of labour, he only ever dreams about living a normal life, never the means to which he’ll get it.

He simply does what he can to survive. When Pochita brings Denji back to life he doesn’t tell him to get to work or to put his powers to use. A key difference between the contract Denji and Pochita make is that it’s not an exchange. Nothing is lost the same way other devil hunters make contracts. He leaves all of it up to Denji and simply asks to see his dreams. He only ever wants Denji to keep on dreaming.

So he does.

Until Makima comes in, at least. See, there's also the very subtle subtext about how Makima literally controls the uneducated worker with promises that can never really go anywhere. 

Taking control of his desire and motivations to make him a better worker or, as she phrases it, “dog” (Check out my writeup about Denji and Boobs for a little more about that.)

The System

Most characters who play directly into the system or accept it end up dying pretty horrible deaths that can be blamed on someone above their level. Makima is untouchable because she can move any damage to her onto the average citizen. It’s a method of avoiding responsibility. Governments try and create a tax on shitty practices? The company still does it and just raises prices on people to compensate. Wanna raise the minimum wage? Hope you enjoy an unnecessary price increase on your coffee because some dickhead can always offshore the cost to the average person.

Aki and Power both end up playing into the system and suffer for it. Makima gives the trio a healthy situation and living space and promotes the idea of a family that the system can ultimately take away at any time if you aren't working the way she wants. It almost seems to mimic how the current Japanese obsession with work is almost entirely responsible for the low birth rates because these big companies and governments are the only ones who can give you the chance to start a proper family. They’ll never give that because the culture is so backbent in their favour in the obsession with work.

Also, Denji sings about unions once, which quite literally is the process of workers coming together to use their power to benefit and control their future. 

But what’s the point? What’s the point of Makima’s fascism? The point of Leftist Denji and everything. 

Well, the answer is in cinema.

Makima mentions that in her perfect world, there are no bad movies. Denji rejects this. Denji knows that the world isn’t that cut and dry and that people will find love and value in different ways. Makima is an agent of modernity. The ideology of “everything has a purpose.” In Makima’s perfect world, there are no weak people, there is no suffering, and there are no weak humans, there is no Denji. There are no bad movies. 

Makima is every producer, she’s every studio note and screen test. She’s not on the side of art or humanity, she’s on the side of whatever the system deems correct.

Denji doesn’t give a shit. He isn’t the post-modern hero that needs to understand and question the system. He’s honestly maybe even past that point. I’m 100% certain he doesn’t have an answer to fixing the world, but he knows Makima isn’t it. So Denji breaks free and does what he wants to. He decides to go to school to learn. (Realistically, he is not paying attention in classes, but you learn more than just the curriculum at school)  He decides that his life is gonna have all kinds of movies, and nobody’s gonna decide how he makes his. 

Denji is a high schooler shooting films on his phone, and he’s better for it.